The ‘Not Good Enough’ story : How EMDR Therapy Helps Heal Self-Esteem and Impostor Syndrome

Have you ever found yourself waiting to be ‘found out, like one mistake or misstep will reveal you're not as capable as others think?

That’s the heavy burden of impostor syndrome, and for many, it stems from deep-rooted self-esteem issues shaped by early life experiences. These feelings are more than just thoughts, they’re often linked to stories we've carried for years about who we are and what we deserve.

A recent episode of SBS Insight offered a powerful example of how a single event can create a ripple effect across a lifetime.

A Lifetime of Impact from a Single Story

In the episode, a woman revealed she had cheated on two high school exams—something she had kept secret for 44 years. At first glance, this might seem like a small event, but the emotional toll it took on her was anything but small. She described:

• Ongoing anxiety and panic attacks

• A deep feeling of not belonging

• Physical pain, including fibromyalgia

• A pattern of quitting jobs 

Despite knowing logically that cheating on two school exams wasn’t a life-defining event, it became a frozen moment, an unprocessed memory anchored in shame and pressure. Her adult self could say, “It wasn’t that bad,” but her nervous system still carried the message:

“I’m not good enough.”
“I don’t belong.”
“I have to be perfect to be loved.”

It was never really about the exams, it was about the shame. The pressure. The overwhelming need, as a teenager, to hold everything together. Perhaps she had gone against her values, unable to speak about what had happened. The conflict between right and wrong stayed buried, and the shame settled in.

The emotional residue remained, captured as if in present, unprocessed and unspoken for decades

This is exactly the kind of situation where EMDR therapy can help.

Childhood Experiences and the Formation of Core Beliefs

Self-esteem isn’t just about what we think, it’s shaped by how we’ve been treated, spoken to, and emotionally responded to over time.

Messages we receive in childhood, like:

• “You can do better”

• “Don’t let anyone down”

• “You’re too much”
  ...can become core beliefs such as:

• I’m not enough

• I’m a failure

• I have to work hard to be loved
  

Even “normalised” experiences, like being praised only after achieving, or being corrected harshly, can quietly build the foundation of low self-worth and impostor syndrome.

How EMDR Therapy Can Help

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing) is a trauma-informed therapy that helps people process past experiences that continue to impact them in the present.

It’s grounded in the Adaptive Information Processing (AIP) model, which suggests that when distressing events aren’t fully processed at the time they occur, they can become "stuck" in the brain and body. These unprocessed memories continue to influence our emotional responses, reinforcing beliefs like “I’m not good enough” or “I’m a bad person”, sometimes for decades.

EMDR therapy doesn’t just involve talking about the past. Together, we identify key memories, often from childhood, school, or adolescence, that hold the emotional charge and story behind the current struggles. Using bilateral stimulation (such as eye movements or tapping), the brain is supported to reprocess these memories and file them away as events that happened in the past, rather than experiences that feel like they’re still happening in the present.

Clients often report:

• A shift in how they see themselves

• Reduced emotional reactivity

• Relief from shame and self-judgment

• An increased capacity for self-compassion

Types of Trauma That Can Affect Self-Esteem

When people think of trauma, they often think of one-off big events. But subtle, repeated experiences can be just as impactful. These might include:

• Being bullied or criticised at school

• Growing up with emotionally unavailable parents

• Academic or performance pressure

• Feeling different or excluded

• Being told you were "too sensitive" or "not trying hard enough"
  These experiences can stay stored in the nervous system and contribute to long-term patterns of self-doubt, people-pleasing, and shame.

Ready to Start Shifting the Story?

At Warming Light Counselling, we work with adults who feel stuck in cycles of self-doubt, impostor syndrome, and shame. If you’ve been carrying the belief that you’re not good enough, it’s possible to shift that narrative—with compassion, curiosity, and the right support. EMDR therapy offers a powerful way to untangle the past and reconnect with your true sense of worth.

You don’t have to keep proving you’re enough. You already are.

Interested in working together? Learn more about EMDR therapy or get in touch to book an initial session.